MY MOTHER

It was 17 years ago this August that my dear mother passed away from pancreatic cancer.  She was too young to die, and a day never passes that fact doesn't feel true.  One day she was 48 years old, in the prime of life with a future full of endless possibilities. The next day, she was 49 and gone. I turned 45 this year and I find myself struggling at times with the idea that my mother was not much older than I am when cancer took her life. This year Ashlynn and I were in Pocatello visiting family because my sister's son was being baptized.  I don't think my sister Trisha realized it, but this year I was struggling more than usual with my mother being gone. Being around Trisha helped cheer me up. She is like my mother in several ways. For example, she takes the time and puts in the effort to make little moments important. She brought all the family together on Saturday for a beautiful baptism and get-together. She made Sunday special by making the candy popcorn and delicious peanut butter cup cookies my mom used to make. Trisha accomplishes miracles in a day and makes it look like it was effortless to do so. My mother was also that way. 

My mother seemed to have it together much more than I feel like I do at the moment. There was nothing she could not do. She was an excellent seamstress (my sister Jana inherited her gift). She sewed Christmas PJ's every year for her kids, and blankets for her grandkids. The Relief Society knew how much that act of love meant to my mother. Weeks before she passed away, the ward put together NUMEROUS baby blankets and quilts. They presented them to her and told her they were for her grandbabies still to come. We have been blessed by this act of love over the years as each new addition joins the family. My mother cooked delicious meals and she always had cookies in the cookie jar for her children and our friends. We were instructed to deliver them to neighbors each time she made them. My mother made every holiday special for her children and grandkids. I remember one year when we all showed up for Christmas with our little ones and the doors were locked with a sign that read, "NO room at the inn."  We had to go out back to the patio where my dad was serving hot cocoa. That year my mom made adorable PJ's for all the grandkids, and her and my dad had put together an actual nativity--complete with homemade costumes. Christmas Eve was always a special event consisting of an uplifting program, and a delicious chicken cordon bleu dinner. Wendy Briscoe has taken over the baking of the chicken tradition. It is always fabulous! 

For as long as I can remember one of my mother's favorite songs was, I'll Build You a Rainbow.

My cousin Amy sang a version of it that fit my mother at her funeral. 

The song is about a mom reassuring her family before she leaves them that everything will be okay, because Families are Forever 

I'll build you a rainbow, way up high above.
Send down a sunbeam, plumb full of love.
Sprinkle down raindrops, teardrops of joy.
I'll be happy in heaven, watchin' over my kids.

The afternoon after my mother passed away it poured and poured outside. My mother is continually finding ways to let us know that although she is not here with us, she is watching over us and that we must keep pushing forward in this journey we call life. As we walk this journey, distractions are everywhere. I find that when I lose my focus on what really matters a rainbow shows up in the sky. This reminds me to get back on track and pay attention to the details in my life that matter most. 

I love the talk "What Matters Most" given by Elder Russell M. Ballard,

In it he states, "Crisis or transition of any kind reminds us of what matters most. In the routine of life, we often take our families—our parents and children and siblings—for granted. But in times of danger and need and change, there is no question that what we care about most is our families! It will be even more so when we leave this life and enter into the spirit world. Surely the first people we will seek to find there will be father, mother, spouse, children, and siblings.

We should not need a hurricane or other crisis to remind us of what matters most. The gospel and the Lord’s plan of happiness and salvation should remind us. What matters most is what lasts longest, and our families are for eternity."

How thankful I am for a mother who taught her children, to stay focused on the things that matter most, by the way she lived her life. My mother had a strong testimony, she knew the church was true and that Christ loved us. Once when we were all young she gave a family home evening lesson on the importance of always remembering that you are a Child of God. She showed each one of us children a baby picture, and told us how much she loved us.  I love that memory! She taught us by example how to be strong and to have faith. I remember in the hospital one day shortly before she passed away someone went to give her a bite of broccoli, and she quietly found the strength to insist that we bless the food first.  I am thankful for the fact that my mother never let us children know how much work we were. Whether it was a holiday or simply getting up for scriptures and prayer, she acted like we were doing her the favor by being there.

Recently, I was reading an old journal and I remembered one of my favorite games I used to play with my children that my mother taught me. I was complaining one day about getting one of my children to go to sleep at night. Mom told me about how she would look into our eyes at night when we were little and say, "look into my eyes. . .  ." She would then tell us all the things she loved about us and the wonderful things that took place that day and the future adventures she could see. I began to try it out and it didn't take long before Riley would say each night as I went to leave the room,

"Mom, look into my eyes." 

I am thankful for my mother, I know she looks over us. I miss her, and I love her. I am thankful for the lessons she taught us and continues to teach us. Many of us in the family can think of times when things should have, or could have, gone completely wrong but did not because of our angel mother watching over us. I love this quote from the amazing talk, Life is Eternal

"The spirit world is not far away. Sometimes the veil between this life and the life beyond becomes very thin. Our loved ones who have passed on are not far from us." Ezra Taft Benson

I am thankful for the many ways my incredible father continues to bring my mother's memory into our lives through carried on traditions and rituals.

He loves his kids in a big way. We would all be LOST without him!!! We never had to wonder if our mom loved us, or approved of us. My dad is exactly the same way. He loves us, end of story! 

FAMILIES ARE FOREVER!