Last week I was awaken with this overwhelming feeling of GUILT!!! In this sudden moment the prior days played in my head as if I were watching a movie. The minutes replayed and I wished with ALL my heart that life could reverse and I could be twinkled back in time for a do-over. I had expressed that I was overwhelmed in multiple situations over that week due to my child. I went as far as to blame my emotional eating on parenting. I do not think my daughter was listening to me during these immature spoutings, but I was not exactly discreet. One thing I loved about my mother is she continually found opportunities to let her children know that WE were one of the reason she lived her life. We were not a side job for her, we were her profession and her actions expressed that to us everyday! I don't say that in regards to working or not working outside the home. I mean it in the way she loved us, spoke to and about us, and at times put her needs on the back burner for us. She loved us without judgement! She never made us feel like we were hard to LOVE, even during times when we were.
I am praying that I can be more like my mother. I can't say I will never mess up again, but the other night as I lay in bed I determined within myself to be better. I LOVE BEING A MOTHER!! I love the lessons I learn from my children each and every day. I never want to be the mother who makes my child feel they are hard to love.
Ashlynn was born with an energy that puts mine to shame. At times the boundless ideas, singing, moving, dancing and vibrance can be draining for those of use who were not blessed with this type of liveliness. As a mother who was blessed with a few children who have free spirits, I find they often adhere to their own rulebooks. You can tell them the proper guidelines to follow, they will listen, determine the portions they feel are useful, and then carry on. I have found when all is said and done, these children surprise us daily. They are passionate and full of life, it is never a dull moment when they are around. Every instant is worth being enthusiastic about, and perhaps a little animated. They are leaders of themselves, and predominately march to their own drumbeat.
I remember growing up, I had a tendency to be too much for people. Let's be honest, at times I still can be:). I believe it is one of the reasons why I am taking all of these classes--to learn communication and people skills. As I learn, I can see the vital part interpersonal skills play in having happy and successful relationships in life. We do need to be careful that in developing these skills we don't change too much of who we are to fit what the world tells us is acceptable. I have found that the more we tame the eccentric in us, the farther away we get from our genuine selves.
I love watching the passion that Ashlynn lives her life with. I love the way she laughs OUT loud. We are all blessed by the free spirit Ashlynn has. Her exceeding joy brings adventure to our family's life! She has decided that her Aunt Lacey has discovered the key to happiness, which is having animals.
I love girl movies and one of my favorites is "What a girl wants" with Amanda Bynes. At the end of the movie the dad articulates this speech to his daughter, it goes something like this.
"It comes down to this, I love you, Daphne. (Ashlynn)
I wouldn't change anything about you. I wouldn't change one hair on your head."
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